Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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