were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
