Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
