Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
