She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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