Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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