puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
