I think my vagina is haunted
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
