I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
