I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
