I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
