For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
