I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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