Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
