I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
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You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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