I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
