at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
