Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
