Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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