I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
