Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize