theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
