During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
