do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
