I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
