i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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