I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize