Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm bleeding and have questions
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
