These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
