:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize