Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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