I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
