Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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