Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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