need another drink. this is the easiest way
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
