So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
