wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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