Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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