YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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