did you get engaged???
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
