Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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