Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
