come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
