Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
