he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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