The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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