how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
