oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need a beard to bite.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
