I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
