So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize