In the future we'll all be gay
another moral hangover. fuck.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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