I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
