i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
