i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
