Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
