It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
