After last night, I could never be a politician.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
