Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
