Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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