I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
