dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
