Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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