her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize