PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
