i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
