Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
