Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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