perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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