based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
